


In Which Caleb and Caduceus Both Try Their Best

by functiondys



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-12 21:39:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18455129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/functiondys/pseuds/functiondys
Summary: “I'm really enjoying what we are doing but it is beginning to verge upon what some people might consider sexual activities and I do not know what you consider that to be or if indeed that is what you want or if its what you want with me or -”“Wow," breathed Caduceus. His eyes grew wide. "That was a really long sentence without a breath.”





	1. Chapter 1

“Are you okay with this?”

Caleb's lips had left his to utter that. All the other nice sensations were still there but the lips had gone and while waiting for them to come back was sometimes part of the pleasure, they didn't seem to be doing that. 

A small amount of conscious thought trickled back into Caduceus' mind. Caleb had asked him something. Caleb had such a nice voice.

“Hm?”

“Are you – is this – you are good with this, yes?”

“ Oh yeah, this is very nice.” Caduceus said with a customary drousy smile. “I like this a lot.

That didn't seem to provide whatever assurance it was that Caleb was looking for. Caduceus thought a little further and hummed to himself as he considered. He had definitely answered the question that Caleb had asked him and his answer was honest so he should have been believed.

Maybe Caleb was over thinking it, he did that sometimes. It was always brilliant people who seemed to do that most. Caduceus was really quite thankful the Wildmother had seen fit not to curse him with so much intellect. It seemed to be the source of a lot of conflict.

Oh.

That could be it, he thought. Maybe Caleb was asking because he was in conflict with himself about something. Perhaps Caleb was asking because he himself wasn't enjoying what they were doing. That would be a shame.

“Are you not okay?” He asked, his voice soft and deep. “I could stop if you'd like. I'd want to stop if you didn't.”

A small frown took it's place on Caleb's brow. There were lots of little grooves there, just light like finger trails in the dirt, in years to come they'd deepen until they were furrows tilled on his fur less human skin. That was wonderful, it would be such a nice thing to see.

Except it didn't mean good things now. Perhaps he should use different words.

“I wouldn't like to keep doing it if you don't like it, that wouldn't be nice at all.”

“No,” Caleb said. His frown deepened. “No, it's not that at all.”

Well, that hadn't been it. Caleb looked more perturbed than before. Maybe Caduceus would be better waiting for the wizard to explain. He blinked slowly and just watched with welcoming eyes, people often talked to you when you made them welcome. Caleb was always welcome but sometimes he needed reminding. Caleb's heart often needed a helping hand the way his mind rarely did. That was okay though, Caduceus had a lot of heart.

“I – I deeply enjoy what we do together my friend. It is – it is wonderful for me.”

“Oh,” smiled Caduceus as he let the words warm him. “That's nice. That's really nice.”

“I just, I do not want to push you. I do not want to push you into doing anything that you are not ready for.”

“Ok. That's nice of you, I like that.”

Caduceus could feel his tail pat the bed behind him a little. It was nice of him, it was thoughtful but he was a little bit at a loss as to why Caleb had chosen now to vocalise it. Especially given he had never shown any indication of doing anything else. 

“It is just that you – you mentioned before not being really ready to uh – to mate?”

“Oh, yeah. I'm not ready to have a mate yet. That's... that's a lot.”

“Yes, of course. I understand. I – I would not be ready for such a thing either but I... Caduceus amongst your people what is being mated?”

“Oh. You don't know about that? Huh. I'm not sure I'm the best one to explain, I've never really had to before but I guess I could take a go. Well often when a male and a female -.”

“No. I mean – I – I know what marriage is in my own culture and uh, sexual activities in – in the same but I know nothing of Firbolg culture. What is a mating to a Firbolg?”

“Well a mate is someone that you... I guess it varies but normally mates live together and they often breed and raise calves or uh take in orphaned calves from other tribes. They tend to be together for the rest of their lifespans. They gather food and teach the young and provide wisdom for the tribe and care for one another. It's really nice.”

“Do your people uh, ever have young without being mated?”

“Well, no. I don't think so at least. I'm not quite sure how that would work. I – I mean I've not been around humans a whole lot before so I don't really know how it works for you but ah, I'm pretty sure we can't reproduce without physically having sex.”

Caleb closed his eyes like he was in pain. Caduceus didn't like that.

“Ah, no. Yes. I mean.” Caleb sighed. “Does sex happen outside of mating?”

“Well, I suppose it does,” Caduceus said with a frown, honestly a little perplexed by the concept and indeed the conversation. “People do a lot of things.”

“Yes. Yes, and there are many things that are to be done. Some are for some people and others are for others and – and all of it is good, ja? If – if it is good for all who are involved but uh... y'know there are so many different things to do and I don't want us to stumble into something that isn't... what you want. I mean sex is – is – is... c-can be wonderful but I...”

“Huh. Do you want to have sex with me Mr Caleb?”

Caleb made a strangled noise and glanced down between their bodies, eye line directed straight down at the bulge in his own trousers. Caduceus wasn't unaware of the erection, it'd be a little bit difficult to be unaware in their current state. He was however firmly a believer in normal physiological responses not being representative of a person's thoughts. 

That and he really didn't mind poking a little bit of fun at his friends now and again. 

“Ah, yes. Yes that's a possibility but that is not – I mean. I...”

“Caleb my friend? We're both adults and we're doing very well at almost having a conversation about sex and relationships. What we're not so good at is understanding each other without clear words. Something about sex and you and I is bothering you. If you'd be kind enough to tell me what that is I'd be most appreciative.”

“I'm really enjoying what we are doing but it is beginning to verge upon what some people might consider sexual activities and I do not know what you consider that to be or if indeed that is what you want with me or -”

“Wow. That was a really long sentence without a breath.”

Caleb stopped.

“Sorry, I was listening. Please, go on. I just don't want you to be nervous. Or stop breathing. Breathing's good for you.”

It really was. Caduceus wondered if he should stress that a little bit more. Smart people missed blindingly obvious things. He was pretty sure Caleb was missing something obvious just now but he wasn't sure what and thought it might be rude to point it out. It would certainly be rude to point out all the effort and resources they put into keeping Caleb alive which would be horribly wasted if he just forgot to keep breathing.

It seemed like a ridiculous thought sure, but there were times Caleb forgot to eat and sleep. There were things Caleb could be relied upon for and things that he couldn't be trusted with. At least until he was better at it, until then it was up to his friends to help.

“You know, just in and out. Nice and easy.”

Caleb let out a long breath.

Almost, thought Caduceus.

“I just -” he took a deep breath.

There we go.

“I need boundaries Caduceus. I wasn't thinking of it that way before but I believe that is the best way to put it. I love kissing you, I love touching you. I loved feeling you through your clothing and rubbing against you.”

“Yeah, that stuff's nice.”

“I don't want to do anything you consider mating if you're not supposed to do that before you pick a... a mate.”

“You... consider this mating?”

“I do not know that word in the context with which you use it. I want – I want to put my hand inside your trousers and bring you to orgasm and I want you to do the same with me. To me this is sex. Of a sort. Is that something you want to do, is that mating? What is that for you?”

“Huh,” said Caduceus simply, his jaw moving about in thought. “Yeah, yeah that could be nice to do.”

“That isn't mating to you? That isn't something you are not supposed to do?”

“Well,” he considered. It didn't seem to be something that required that much thought but if Caleb believed it needed further consideration then it was probably worth thinking about. “Maybe.”

That didn't seem to be enough of an answer. Caleb really liked words tonight.

“I don't think so. I'm okay with it anyway. I don't really think what others believe should dictate what I do. I think that could be nice.”

Caleb blinked.

“I mean I think some things should be done between mates. Other stuff is good between friends,” he smiled. “At least friends who do those things.”

“So you're... I... what, what sort of things?”

“Oh I've never really thought about it. I guess... maybe it'd be a good idea if we stayed away from things like mounting. I mean, I think there's a very low chance of making young but best stay away from that. It's also probably best we avoid the risk of a rut or anything. That could be very inconvenient all around if that happened.”

“A... wha – okay there is a lot to unpack there.”

Caduceus really didn't think there was but maybe he was wrong, he tilted his head in curiosity.

“I really don't have enough blood in my brain for that tonight. Uh... I uh, thank you. Do you think we can go back to the kissing? Maybe, maybe nothing more than that tonight.”

“Yeah,” smiled Caduceus. Quite happy that Caleb's concerns were now put to rest and he would like to go back to making one another feel nice again. 

There was still a frown on Caleb's brow which meant he was still thinking about something that was puzzling him despite the fact that Caduceus had been very straightforward in his answers. Wizards were such a strange species. Wonderfully endearing though. 

“That'd be nice. I like that us doing that make me feel good,” smiled Caduceus bashfully. “I like that us doing that makes you feel good too. That's good.”

Caleb smiled in turn. Caleb was really beautiful when he smiled. Caduceus hummed happily to himself, he was really blessed. There were so many nice things in his life right now. It was so good to serve the Wildmother and be rewarded for that service. 

The Wildmother was so wonderfully generous to him. There were so many smiles from Caleb and kisses and touches that made him feel all warm inside. There were so many new foods to try, flowers to smell, sights to see. He got to make so many destructive people useful, some even started to grow new funghi that he could cook for his fellows. 

They were a blessing in themselves, his strange new friends. Having friends was nice and Caduceus thought he'd wound up with some pretty fabulous ones. They were such generous people and almost always let him be the one to prepare and cook their food. They ate with such enthusiasm too, it was so rewarding to cook for people who appreciated it so much. To listen to them eat and talk and tease one another, tend their wounds and guide them as best he could, it was almost like having a family again.

Even better in some ways, he thought, as Caleb's lips came back to his again.

Oh yeah, he thought. This is nice.

And thought of very little else that night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Your presence is always welcome, my friend. You could... stay a little longer if you want? Maybe get a little more comfortable?”
> 
> “Hm? Oh I'm always comfy on the floor, I'm used to sitting cross legged,” Caduceus smiled gently.

“I'm sorry Jester, what did you say?”

“Aren't you worried about it?”

“Sorry, about?”

“Aren't you worried that you'll do something wrong or that y'know, he won't like it or something?”

“Are we talking about sex?”

“Caduceus,” she whined his name into a lot more syllables than it had.

“Well, not really. I mean I'm considerate of people and it can't be that complicated. Animals have figured it out.”

“But it can be really complicated.”

“You can make anything complicated.”

“Yeah but what if maybe to be good you have to know stuff or have it be complicated or what if cause it's your first time you'll not be any good at it.”

“Huh. Well, then I guess I have to hope I won't be bad enough that he'll never won't to do it again. But maybe I won't like it enough to want to do it again,” Caduceus shrugged. “I think maybe we just gotta both try things and see what we like. I think Caleb's a kind creature to the people he cares about. I trust he cares about me, so I trust him with this.”

“You're really not worried?”

“Are you worried Ms Jester?”

“What? Me? No. What would I have to be worried about? I know lots of things.”

Caduceus leaned in and smiled conspiratorially. “I know very few things.”

“You think people like that? You know the... innocence and things?”

“Oh some people probably. People like a lot of strange things but I wouldn't call myself innocent. Beside the idea of innocence and sex is a very strange concept. Sex is natural, it's part of life. I don't get how that could be something to be ashamed of or proud of.”

“Well, how do you see it?”

“Hmm. My attitude towards it you mean?”

“Yeah.”

“I guess it's like... like going to do your business after a really good meal. It's a thing that you do and it's allowed to be something that you enjoy or something that you just need to go do. It's not about innocence or the lack there of. It's just another type of bodily function.”

Jester giggled. “You think having sex is like going poop?”

Caduceus smiled. “I think maybe humans would have a lot less problems if they started thinking of it that way.”

“Some people are so silly about sex,” Jester exclaimed, then leaned into him and said a little quieter. “I think my first time though, I think I might be nervous maybe.”

“Well that's perfectly natural.”

“But you're not?”

“Doesn't make me unnatural,” he shrugged slowly. “Nature has a lot of different ways and almost none of them have anything to do with morality or concepts of right and wrong.”

“I guess I just wouldn't want to make a fool of myself, y'know?”

“Oh I don't mind doing that so much but I don't think anyone worthy of your time would see any little bit of nerves as anything other than endearing. And if your lack of experience is a problem for them, well that's their problem not yours and maybe they don't deserve to be the person you experience that with.”

“Is that how you feel about Caleb?”

“Oh I admire Caleb very much and I've found I enjoy the closeness that we've developed. The physical aspects of that were unexpected but I can't say I haven't enjoyed most of them. I like sharing those with each other. I probably wouldn't want to do it all the time but I care about him and I have my curiosities. I'd be interested in indulging any mutual curiosities.”

“But do you love him though?”

“Oh yeah, of course. I think he's a lot easier to love than he thinks he is. He's got a lot of love here. More than I think he knows what to do with. I think Nott's love alone might have been a little overwhelming. Let alone all of us.”

“Yeah but do you love him love him?”

“I don't know what that means.”

“Like butterflies in your tummy, twirling him on hilltops, you can't live without him love.”

“Oh, uh...” Caduceus paused and made some muttering noises to himself as he considered. “I'm... I'm pretty sure I don't, Ms Jester.”

Caduceus' ears changed their slant almost imperceptibly.

“Oh no, Caduceus don't be sad, don't be sad.”

“I'm not sad,” he said, voice as mellow as ever but a little more morose. “I just wonder if... do you think that's what Caleb thinks I feel? I never said it but did he assume? Huh. Maybe this is more complicated than I thought.

“You know, lots of people have sex and don't feel that and I don't think Caleb is the spinning around on hilltops type.”

“Yeah, you're probably right about that bit.”

“Anyway you shouldn't listen to me.”

“You're always worth listening to sweet Jester. I say that as someone who's listened to a lot of people. You're worth listening to,” he said and nodded to himself.

“Thanks Caduceus, you're a really good listener.”

Caduceus gave a shy half-smile, “It's one of my skills. I'm quite proud of it.”

“And so you should be! Not everyone can listen like you most people are just paying attention for the thing that they want or not really interested or sometimes they're just waiting for their turn to say something, you know? People who can put a sword through things or punch really good I mean they're useful too but sometimes? Sometimes someone who can listen to you can make you feel better and make more of a difference than a thousand people who can smash things really good.”

“Aw, that's. That's a lovely thing to say, that's – that's such a lovely thought. Thank you.”

“You deserve it,” she said decisively, then stuck a warning finger close to his face. “And just so you know, I'm good at listening and at hitting things, maybe not as good as you or Beau at those things but Caleb is really skinny and if he's mean to you I'll punch him a hundred different ways.”

“I don't think that'll be necessary -”

“And most of those will be in the balls.”

“- but I appreciate the expression of violence there cloaking a declaration of love.”

“I learned that from Beau!”

“Yeah, I kinda figured.”

“But the phrasing was all my own, did you like it?”

“I'm more of a fan of gentler ways of doing it but I bet Beau would be really proud of you.”

“Aww, you're just saying that.”

“Maybe you should find a way to work it into conversations with her sometimes. Bet you she'd take it heart even more than a book full of hand written love poems.”

“I know, our friends are so weird.”

“But we love them.”

“And they are damn lucky for it.”

“I think we're all very lucky in that regard.”

“Even when they're all stupid and oblivious and handsome.”

“I guess?”

Jester sighed dramatically. “You know, one day someone is going to write me a book full of love poems and it won't just be a little book it'll be the biggest book of love poems in the world! And it will be famous and all of the women will read it and swoon.”

“Well,” he smiled. “I'm not a big reader but I'll look forward to reading one of those.”

“Oooh maybe Caleb could read them to you, but then maybe it would just make him jealous that he didn't write them for you. Maybe he'd make you your own book of poetry!”

“I think there's enough poetry books in the world.”

“What kind of book would you like?”

“I don't know. I guess I'll have to think about it.”

“You should, if anyone was going to write a book for their partner it would be Caleb. But you should definitely come up with an idea because otherwise it'll probably be about lots of other books or spell components or cats or something.”

“He does like all those things, though I think it's mostly just Frumpkin for the latter.”

“A ten part serial on how wonderful a cat Frumpkin is.”

“Now that is a possibility,” conceded Caduceus.

“And one chapter would just be the words I love him written fifty million times and another would just be the word blep underlined so many times it broke the page.”

Caduceus smiled.

Jester giggled. “Do you remember the time that we were in those mines with the Kobolds and Caleb pretended that Frumpkin was the Fey King and it actually worked?”

“Yeah, that was really clever.”

“You know, he could have been right. Maybe Frumpkin really is a Fey King.”

“What's a Fey King?”

“Like a king but for all the magic creatures from the Fey and stuff.”

“What's a king?”

“Just someone who rules over things and speaks really pompous and you bow to them, y'know but they are like really powerful.”

“Huh, I'm not sure Frumpkin would sound pompous. He always looked like he'd have a very dry, sarcastic tone to me.”

“Maybe he's the rare non-pompous king. I guess they could be some.”

Caduceus nodded sagely.

“Maybe we should start curtseying to him just in case.”

“What's a curtsey?”

Jester squeaked in glee, “Come on, I am going to show you. This is going to be so much fun.”

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Caleb opened the door of his room and smiled. Caduceus spoke before he could even come out with a greeting.

“Do you want me to... twirl you around on hilltops?”

Caleb blinked.

“Ah is – is this a metaphor for something?”

“I'm not really sure,” Caduceus said, tilting his head in thought. “I don't think so?”

“Then ah, no?”

“Do you want me to spin you around on hilltops?”

“I – what, why would,” he frowned in thought. “Is that a thing I should be doing?”

“I have no idea,” he shook his head.

“Caduceus... is this coming from Jester?”

“No, it's coming from me but it's cause I talked to Jester.”

“She got in your head, huh?”

There was a little smile on Caleb's face.

“Miss Jester knows a lot of things.”

“That is very true,” he said. “Perhaps you and I should take advice from the wisest friend I have and have a conversation with one another.”

“Oh that, that sounds like a good idea. Who said that?”

“You did,” Caleb smiled. “Come inside my friend perhaps you can make us a nice cup of tea while we do so.”

“Uh, yeah, that sounds good.”

Caleb didn't want the tea, Caduceus was pretty sure. But making tea made Caduceus calm and so he asked. Caleb was kind like that, that should really be rewarded.

“Would you like to select the tea?”

“Which do you find to be comforting but that you do not have in short supply?”

To comfort Caduceus but not to deprive him of it later by consuming some of it himself. That was nice of him. Caduceus selected a soothing blend, one that came from home. There wasn't much left of it but it felt right to share his favoured and finest things with Caleb. 

Caleb might not appreciate it to the extent that Caduceus might himself but it felt important to care for him properly. Caduceus would not hoard the best for himself, there was pleasure too in sharing and taking care of someone else as best he could. 

He might not be a tea aficionado yet but there was a warmth that came with being cared for. Caleb didn't seem like he'd felt that warmth enough. It was a nice warmth and on the day that Caleb was ready to hear it, Caduceus felt there would be an extra warmth to learn he had always been taken care of by Caduceus as best as he could. If he never did, Caduceus would always know. That felt right.

He nodded to himself and selected the tea from his pouch. The ritual as ever was grounding, the tea itself brought a smile to his face. Caleb thanked him for the small clay mug that passed between them. 

“You always give me this one,” Caleb smiled.

Caduceus had made that one himself when he was a lot younger and learning to mould things with his hands. He was never particularly good at it, he was better at growing things rather than creating them. Still, he had put his focus and enthusiasm into this project. It was nearly as old as he was and had been very well loved. A mother's love for a child's gift, it was packed with his belongings when he left in hopes that he wound find her and share tea with her again.

Cups should be used, it felt right that Caleb be the one he trust to keep it warm for her.

“This is the one that seemed right for you, if I had to pick one. Which I figured would be the thing to do. You seem to like,” Caduceus paused to search for the word. “Consistency.”

“Yeah, I appreciate that at times.”

“You also yearn for new knowledge and experience.”

“I appreciate those too.”

Caduceus nodded. “I'm open to a lot of new experiences but sometimes I don't have the interest in things that other people do.”

“I suppose you could say the same of me. Few share the interest in the arcane arts the way I have.”

“Oh, you're a rare bird no doubt Mr Caleb but I was talking along more particular lines.”

“Such as?”

“Ah, sex really.”

“You like... or – or don't like certain things?”

“Uh, I don't... I don't know? Maybe.”

“Ah, maybe you could explain a little for me?”

“A – a lot of people seem to be really interested in sex? I'm not all that fascinated by it. I like being with you and I'd like to explore that but I can't guarantee it's something I'm gonna want very often. I really like you and I really like what we've done so far but... some people seem to want that all the time. I don't understand that.”

“But you genuinely enjoy what we do? And want to try other things?”

“Oh yeah. Yeah.”

“You're not just being... kind to me? Or polite? Or saving my feelings?”

“I always try to be kind to you but I don't think lying about this would be very kind to either of us in the long run.”

“No, no I do not think it would be.”

“Honesty is really the best policy in most things. I uh, I should let you get back to your studying. I apologize for interrupting.”

“Your presence is always welcome, my friend. You could... stay a little longer if you want? Maybe get a little more comfortable?”

“Hm? Oh I'm always comfy on the floor, I'm used to sitting cross legged,” Caduceus smiled gently.

Caleb chuffed, then smiled broadly. “I really do adore you Mr Clay.”

Caduceus had no idea what inspired that but it was nice.

“I really like you too Mr Caleb,” he smiled as he started to leave, then paused, tucked one leg behind the others and bent his knees, arms out stretched and head ducked. “And you of course Mr Frumpkin.”

“Was?” Caleb muttered to himself as Caduceus shut the door behind him.

Caleb looked at Frumpkin, the cat just blinked slowly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are author food. Have you fed your author today? x


End file.
